Ask your partner or spouse

July 19, 2022

Hey everyone,

Here’s a Catch-22 when it comes to asking for help: you are least likely to ask when you need it the most.

One way to solve that is to ask your spouse/partner/close friend to remind you to ask for help.

This happened with two CG members this week.

One, we’ll call her Lisa, was in the middle of negotiating a promotion, and complaining about some of the challenges with the way the new role was structured, when her partner said, “Have you asked Phyl or the Councils for help?”

He knew to say this because Lisa had told him about CG and asked him to nudge her to ask for help when she needed it the most.


Then this morning I received an email from a member, we’ll call her Olivia, who had just received a new job offer (she was laid off earlier this year).

Last night at dinner when she was talking about the offer and wondering whether to negotiate, her husband said, “Have you called Phyl?” 

As a result, she reached out this morning and we had a good chat about the four legs of the negotiations stool: salary, budget, resources, and support. 

So, tell your spouse/partner/close friend to nudge you to ask for help when you need it the most. 

That nudge just might make a big difference in your career.


P.S. We have baked this into new member orientation. We ask all new members to ask their spouse/partner/close friend to nudge them to ask for help when they need it the most.

About the Author

Phyl Terry

Phyl Terry, Founder and CEO of Collaborative Gain, Inc., launched the company’s flagship leadership program – The Councils – in 2002 with a fellow group of Internet pioneers from Amazon, Google, and others. Thousands of leaders from the Internet world have come together in the last 15 years to learn the art of asking for help and to support each other to build better, more customer-centric products, services, and companies.

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